I forgot how hard starting over can be. Moving from Austin has been nothing if not painful. I don’t know whether it is the circumstances surrounding the move (hurricane) or the fact that moving is a lonely venture. I guess it is one of those things where you are digging deeper and anytime you dig deeper, there is darkness and that is scary. You begin searching for the familiar and are enveloped by a sense of loss. What is it that makes this so bad? Is it the loss of control one feels? Why do I feel this way now? I am in control of myself and my destiny. Sure my plans took a curve and I don’t know many people here but I am still in control of my own destiny. I guess it is the feeling of everything being strange. I guess I like new things mixed with the familiar. The loss of everything familiar is certainly saddening.

I guess I am struggling to make sense of change. Maybe sometimes there is so sense to make of change. I guess as meaning seeking creatures, this is a tough reality. The meaning may be one of meaninglessness. How do you make sense of the death? I guess it is hard to be hopeful if everything has no meaning.