i was talking with my fiance' the other day when i noticed she said something to me with a particular inflection in her voice which showed she was angered. i knew she was aggravated by the situation and not by me but i could feel myself being agitated by her tone and flip response. i reflected to her by saying, "i want to help you and i understand you are agitated but when you raise your voice at me, it hurts me." she apologized and we started working towards a solution. since then she has reminded me several times of that advice when i have become upset.

it is almost seems strange to pay attention to the tone and volume of your voice but it is a huge part of expression and will greatly effect your desired affect. i have tried to start lowering my voice when i am upset as opposed to raising it. this tends to cause people to listen more to what you are saying rather than the opposite.