Tuesday, February 07, 2006

the start of a story

my head feels like it is in a baloon. my muscles and brain ache from straining to see answers that have not yet presented themselves. my breath feels colder than that which normally is expelled. sadness weighs heavy on my eyelids. why can no one see it?

i feel stupid. everything i know and seem to have ever felt has been turned on it's head. i keep wringing out my emotions trying to make some sense of the pool gathering at my feet. every day i wake up and read, looking for hope and answers to make things better. the answers that come back sear my skin. why do i keep looking at the news? what am i looking for?

everyone has been wronged by this storm. all of our lives have been forever changed. casual observers try to offer bright sides but nothing changes that the place i know as home is a disaster area physically and emotionally. as i drove around new orleans, my last trip home a few weeks ago, i saw so many things that were broken. i kept asking myself, was this broken before the storm? i felt a longing to try and fix the things that were broken as i drove, but where do you start?

maybe you start by telling the story. how your life went from normal to oz, seemingly in 48 hours.

growing up in new orleans, i remember preparing for storms and being scared as a child. my father would board up the windows making the house dark except for slivers of light through the boards, and we would wait. luckily, we never encountered any really bad storms from the mid 70's till 04. we always seemed to have divine intervention, or so it seemed. people developed a faith in this blind luck. my father told me a few years ago what the worst case scenario was for new orleans and it involved heavy flooding, chemical plants overflowing, many deaths, and the levee's eventually being blown to help drain the city. while this was a good warning to follow for evacuating, it never seemed like it could happen.

this summer a weak hurricane named cindy hit west of new orleans. i remember being excited before the storm hit because it meant a break from the regularly scheduled programming we call life. threatening storms have always seemed this way. an excuse to go prepare your property for something you could surely beat and possibly to enjoy some time off hanging out with friends. cindy was not a big storm, category 1, but the winds howled all night long. my fiance' worried how would we know if a tornado was coming. i assured her that a tornado siren would sound but then i realized i had never heard one in new orleans. also, it was dark out so how would anyone see one coming. our dogs, two little pomeranians, sensed the anxiety and, in their own little way, asked if they could join us. as i picked them up, the house went into complete silence and the fan slowed. the power went out. as the wind slapped shutters on neighbors houses, it gently rocked me to sleep in the complete darkness.

the storm left us without power for 18 hours and we decided to clean up the outside and then we biked to the fly to enjoy the beautiful day. cooler weather had been pulled in by the front. 70 degree weather is always welcome in new orleans during the summer. we dined with our friends ronnie and julie and somehow the day seemed so forgiving. maybe it was the weather, maybe it was the friends, maybe it was the break in the monotony of every day life. whatever it was being without power was a minor issue and the "snow day" of sorts was welcome.

------- talk more about the feeling surrounding a storm.--- talk about the prelude to katrina--- talk about past storms and walking the dog during the eye. the feeling of rain dripping through the tree.------------

in september, after the storm hit, i was on a mission. that mission entailed moving to austin, starting school again, finding work, and returning to new orleans to fix our house. this was easier than it sounds. wednesday, after the storm hit, i drove from birmingham to ...

i accomplished all of that and then i checked on my parents house. we did not know if their was damage or how bad the damage was. the storm had physically seperated my parents. my dad works for tulane in risk management and my mom is a teacher. my dad was dealing with the plan of how to get claims filed and the school back up and running asap.

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