temptation and anxiety

dream sequence 1)

I am on a oil rig. I look at the news and see a tropical storm heading towards nola in early summer. it is not even hurricane season yet and a storm is coming. experts are baffled. i am scared for my home and myself. new orleans doesn't seem to be ready for the storm and flooding will surely ensue. i am in a bar room as i am watching this. the bar is filled with temptation that is represented as strippers or escorts but bonnie is also with me and this comforts me. bonnie does not seem uncomfortable here which is surprising to me. she leaves the room and goes off with a stripper to have sex. i am floored by this and yet not i feel comfortable. she seems to be opening her sensuality which is exciting to me. i feel at ease although i am not sure what to do. i debate, do i go watch this or go off with another girl? several girls attract my attention and as i start to select one, i am not with the one i would like. i am pulled off by this one i do not want but i go with her. i realize the woman who interest me is with bonnie. i go and watch and i see bonnie kissing her softly. the kissing is soft and passionate. i watch and i am excited by this but in a emotional sense. the girl begins to seduce bonnie and this is enthralling to me to see her so free and experiencing something new. i feel free (dream interrupts).

i am by a pool and it has turned green. i am going around it and temptation is eveywhere. i am in a familiar place, the place with the olympic sized pool. beautiful women are laying out everywhere but i don't give in but i see it all. i dive into the water and feel like i am a kid again. i see kids around me. i leave the pool. i hear the storm is coming and i fear this may be the last time i see this familiar place. i leave to go into the locker room to change and i have a girl call me from china. she wants to know what her dreams mean. i start to explain them but get distracted. i tell her something funny about american money. i see a big silver dollar and it is huge. how cumbersome this big money is! she laughs. i finish explaining what i think her dream means and ask her for her feelings surrounding it to guide my interpretation. i leave the locker room to find something. i decide to go back to the locker room and i almost walk in the ladies but i can see in. i see these beautiful women partially clad in towels and the sight is warming. i see warm tan smooth bodies that look healthy and natural. these people look relieved and content (think after a hot shower or a workout). i only caught a glimps but the thought carries with me. i thought it would be better if locker rooms were unisex. i go into the male locker room and it is unisex. the temptation goes away. the girls do not look sultry, just natural. everyone is worried about the storm coming.

(anxiety and tension are tied to sex for some reason. i think this is because sex is a very relaxing thing to me. studies have shown that the heroin effects the brain much the same way an orgasm does. many first time users of heroin will ejaculate as the rush hits the brain. this linkage bothers me though. i do not wish to be slave to my anxiety. i wish to better understand it and master it.)

now that a i think about it. the femailes in my dreams may have another meaning... maybe it is a sign of my age! maybe i am scared of losing my attractiveness and growing old. i hate it but at times i am very aware of my self image. when i cut my hair, i noticed i felt less attractive but more simplistic. i am caught in a bit of a quagmire there. also, maybe i am a little scared of marriage.