Fireflies
a friend of mine was describing his frustration with his car dealership. he recently was in a small wreck and his bumper and hood needed to be replaced as a result. the dealership called him and said it would be ready this weekend. it wasn't ready and they didn't call him to let him know. his whole plans were thrown off. they said it would be ready on monday but then it wasn't ready monday and they promised it tuesday. i realized that the past 7 months since the storm hit have felt that way to us. we keep waiting for news to move on with our lives and not only does it not come, but more bad news has come... death, burglary, fibromyalgia, sleep problems, landlord threatening to sue about breaking austin lease, house not selling, no hot water, no heater, no a/c, roof leaking, bad drivers, etc.
yes, now everything except for the sale of our house and jobs in austin has been taken care of. we have met people in dallas which has made things easier for me but not my fiance'. she doesn't want to connect to anyone if we are planning on leaving. she has a hard time accepting change though. this reminded me of the dali lama talking about pain and suffering in life. the way he described attitudes towards hate (our attitude towards dallas) was one of little reward. he said, if you have a neighbor who you hate and you spend all your time filled with anger, this will only make your hair turn grey, your insides turn acidic, and die at an early age. what is the point of all of this displeasure? you could go about your day and be positive to your neighbor and it will likely be him who is miserable by your pleasure and happiness.
this brings me to where i am today. i came home the other night and saw a flash of something... a firefly or lightening bug, depending on where you are from. i talked to my neighbor and found out they are common in spring here. i have not seen them since i was a child and on a trip in arkansas. i looked at them now with the same fascination as i did then. my fiance' and i sat outside and had a glass of wine mesmerized as they float and flash, here and there. their dance was so carefree and almost magical. it reminded me of seeing a shooting star but this was more personal due to memories and this was so close. i realized just how much i needed this and i suddenly felt as if i had been freed a bit too... or maybe it the light of hope, lauched from across a field.
yes, now everything except for the sale of our house and jobs in austin has been taken care of. we have met people in dallas which has made things easier for me but not my fiance'. she doesn't want to connect to anyone if we are planning on leaving. she has a hard time accepting change though. this reminded me of the dali lama talking about pain and suffering in life. the way he described attitudes towards hate (our attitude towards dallas) was one of little reward. he said, if you have a neighbor who you hate and you spend all your time filled with anger, this will only make your hair turn grey, your insides turn acidic, and die at an early age. what is the point of all of this displeasure? you could go about your day and be positive to your neighbor and it will likely be him who is miserable by your pleasure and happiness.
this brings me to where i am today. i came home the other night and saw a flash of something... a firefly or lightening bug, depending on where you are from. i talked to my neighbor and found out they are common in spring here. i have not seen them since i was a child and on a trip in arkansas. i looked at them now with the same fascination as i did then. my fiance' and i sat outside and had a glass of wine mesmerized as they float and flash, here and there. their dance was so carefree and almost magical. it reminded me of seeing a shooting star but this was more personal due to memories and this was so close. i realized just how much i needed this and i suddenly felt as if i had been freed a bit too... or maybe it the light of hope, lauched from across a field.
posted by was at 11:18 PM
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