You just don't get it.

I really believe that self awareness and transference are two extremely vital pieces to being a successful therapist. I also think it's important to note that being a successful therapist means admitting there is a lot you don't know.

After katrina hit, it really sent me into a long period of deep reflection... one which i am still in... but as I reflect on things, I can't tell you how much it has meant to those of us going through it that we are not alone and that our pain is okay. For many this meant talking to friends, family, or reading about the stories of others who have been affected.

To better understand this, let me give you a glimpse into my world:
My fiance' and I have moved 5 times since the thing hit and are preparing for our 6th to Austin. Of course that does not include multiple trips back home to repair our house, move, and help others in our family do the same.

We are sick of living in unfamiliar places, with unfamiliar faces, insurance companies, big bureaucracy, the government or lack there of, most news channels, funerals, and crime in dallas and at home, but we are fighting on.

We are tired of saying where we are from because of the lack of understanding from others. Whether you look in their eyes or hear it in their voice, you hear it. Either people don't really care or they don't know what to say and are uncomfortable. I too am tired of people trying to act like everything is okay because it's not and that's okay too. Why can't people understand that? If you encounter people with PTSD, please, just listen to them and accept their pain.

Since I am going into counseling, decided I should heed my own advice and go seek out a therapist upon moving to Dallas. After several months of not being able sleep and/or restless sleep, and tons of knotted muscles in my back, I thought it might help. I opened by telling this guy about my background and things since the storm. He proceeded to stand up and start illustrating a diagram on his white board of his theory on post traumatic stress (mental note to self, never ever use a white board while with a client). I felt tears well up behind my eyes because I wanted so bad to connect with someone that would understand. As his marker squeaked away, I felt the familiar distance between myself and the outside world grow.

Eventually, I did find a good therapist who understood my pain and she helped me to set it free through increased understanding. She listened to what I said and what I didn't say. She got me to pay attention to my dreams where Katrina and crew were performing nightly.

Truly going into this darkness and despair is part of the treatment to get out of it. You will find that people who have been through the PTSD may become avoidant of any kind of pain or sadness... like sad movies for instance. These things may also be the very things they need to see to help them cry and get better.

PTSD and similar life threatening events will make you question the meaning of your life. Are you choosing your fate or has your fate chosen you? Have you become who you want to be? What do you want to be? Do you love your fate and if not, what are you going to do about it? Sadly, this may also be one of the reasons behind high the suicides after the storm. Personally, I believe these events made my life have meaning as it pushed my self understanding deeper and I think that is the hope for anyone going through this process. Please, if you work with these people, please if you don't feel compassion, be aware of that and don't work with them. If you do work with them, let them unfold in front of you. There is so much pain that will come out and they will need your support to get through it all. You don't have to be cheery or upbeat, just being there and helping them to explore and validate their pain is huge.

(photo credit: chris george)