my sweet lady

immediately following the hurricane, i was a man on a mission. i wanted to get back in school, get to austin, move my friends there, and start my life. i distictly remember the long dark drives back to austin from new orleans after work trips there. i would call friends and tell them how awesome austin was and all the reason they should move. austin was new, thrilling, and completely unexplored. it seemed opportunity was waiting around every corner. i had to unleash this good energy on my friends so they too could see the light beyond the drab of new orleans. all of my friends that stayed, minus kristen and rimas, all felt it wasn't so bad. they seemed to be in such a strange fog which i could not understand. they would talk of new orleans like that ex-lover that they just couldn't get quite enough of. they loved things about her, they were aware of the bad but put on blinders to it, and just went on living.

all of this was very perplexing to me. i grew up there too and had lived away before as well. i was well aware of the charm of the city but absolutely sick of the crime, racial divides, the politicians, lack of education, and the fact that nothing seemed to be changing. before the storm i was ready to leave the city and katrina and made the decision easier. so i thought.

it is now almost two years since the storm. i have lived in texas for all but a few weeks of the time following the storm. i have moved 7 times to different places moving large amounts of stuff to 4 different homes. jobs, graduate school, death, and injury sent us repeatedly reeling. we realized as much as we tried, we didn't chose to leave new orleans. it would have been easier to go back home but we held strong because that would have been the simple way. the problem was we never got to say goodbye. a chapter of our life was shut without warning. since we were always trying to keep afloat, we never got to grieve.

i have come to realize that my grieving has taken the form of a rigorous obsession by constantly reading the news about new orleans. how could a place and people so special be forgotten so easily. i became a martyr in my suffering and i didn't understand it. i realized your home, like your parents, will always be a special place to you. it will always live on in your heart.

despite the problems new orleans has, it is an amazing place. the people, food, and architecture are absolutely amazing. i heard john goodman talking about loving "my mardi gras." it struck me as strange that he claimed mardi gras for himself initially. then i came to see a truth in his words that all new orleanians shared. they loved "their new orleans..." whatever and wherever that might have been in the city.

so, what was so special about "my new orleans?" i love my vespa dealership, my uptown, my loyola, my audubon park, my french quarter, my herb saint, my circle bar, my pot hole that got so big dogs would swim in it, my neighbors, my mo's pizza, my family, and my frenchman street, my architecture, my big oak trees, my cobblestone streets, my saints, my home. new orleans is the only city i have ever gone and checked into a hotel, even though i lived just a few miles away. the city allows you to take a vacation within the city and enjoy something completely different.

new orleans has given me a lot of inspiration for my life about how things can grow and change. the challenge has been to look within myself for the answers and to find my own happiness. i don't know what the future holds but i do know i will always consider new orleans home.