old blogs
Wednesday, May 26, 2004
i never expected new york to provide such a reflective journey. i guess being in a place where there are so many different types of people, it makes you reflect on who you are. i have been amazed with the collage of different people i have met here. the most impactful were my fathers old roommate and my high school crush. my fathers old roommate told me about my father in college. he described him as a dreamer and a romantic about life. i am exactly that same way. i have thought of it lately as a bad thing. i kept questioning what i was looking for. was it something i was missing that i was searching for?
then i saw my high school crush. memories of my heart flying into my throat and my voice cracking raced through my head but i was surprisingly cool. as we talked, i remembered again why i liked her so much... her calm, graceful, caring, intelligent, personality was so amazing and i felt my heart race. i couldn't help but feel like knowing her is the greatest gift. her smile, thoughts... it was like a curtain would open and something even more wonderful would be revealed. a brief vision of her naked flashed in my mind when i realized that is not what i wanted to see at all. thinking of her as an object disgusted me. what i guess it just reminded me what i really think love is about and how important chemistry and personality are. she will always be special in my eyes. the whole thing left me still hours later with a quickened pulse and feeling like i cool breeze washed over my entire body and invigorated me. in retrospect, maybe it was i that was naked with her... just completely open and being myself.
i am happy for my high school crush. she is a wonderful person and i hope i never forget the way i am feeling. i feel that i should just not worry so much about who i am or being alone. i feel like i should just be proud to be who i am and everything else will work out.
Public - 8:33 PM - add eprops - add comments - edit it - email it
Thursday, April 15, 2004
in reality, i keep surprising myself. my will power and focus at times is shocking me. this happens in the climbing gym, by not drinking, resolving conflict/expressing myself, in writing, and business. i feel more conscious than i ever have in my life. i have unlocked part of some untapped power in my brain. i guess i have been going through a lot of cognitive restructuring as to how i approach and deal with things. it has had some incredible effects.
Public - 2:44 AM - 2 eprops - add comments - edit it - email it
Saturday, March 20, 2004
movin' on
traveling is nice but there comes a time when you are ready to move on. i am feeling that right now. i am ready for some place new and some routine. austin has been wonderful but i am ready to move on.
Public - 3:28 PM - add eprops - add comments - edit it - email it
Friday, March 19, 2004
thoughts:
today is such a beautiful day. birds are chirping, the wind blows through my hair, the breeze is cool, and the sun is shining. i can't believe how nice it is here in austin. it really makes you feel alive. i feel a bit lost here because everything is so new it is overwhelming. it is amazing to look around and see so much youth and invigeration. i wonder if this place is real though. if it has a soul. if people here are not just into a look and scene. new orleans and seattle don't seem to be that way to me. i am wondering if i am becoming too attached to new orleans again. could i uproot again?
Private - 5:07 PM - add eprops - add comments - edit it - email it
Wednesday, March 17, 2004
as i look at my own life and reflect on where i am going, i am realizing more and more how important it is for me to live ethically. i never realized how important such a seemingly simple thing would become to me. to me, it has to do with treating all people with respect and doing what is in your heart. a lot of people are forgetting about this in everyday life. since i quit drinking 3 weeks ago, it has become a real point of reflection for me. not that i was not ethical before, but it really seems to point out what real maturity is all about. real maturity is always treating others the way that you would like to be treated.
Monday, February 23, 2004
most people think of god and the devil being two seperate people. what if they are one?
Public - 7:47 PM - add eprops - add comments - edit it - email it
Monday, February 09, 2004
watching silently-
everyone has bad thoughts but have you ever opened up you pandora's box of bad thoughts and confronted them or even acted on them? have you ever stood on the ledge and looked down to see what your darkest desires might be? some people never confront those thoughts. anything that looks gray is thrown in the box and it is locked and the key thrown away. is that really living though? there are those people that fall into the darkness and do anything that may feed their vanity, right or wrong. they don't see what they are doing wrong. is it wrong if they no longer know? finally, there are those that dabble in both. they wonder if having the thoughts really makes them evil. what is evil any way? who is to judge? they do have one thing that navigates them... that churning of the gut when they know something is questionable. the gut churns with all things exciting and new... and slightly bad. the quesiton is what you do with it.
Protected (details) - 6:14 PM - add eprops - add comments - edit it
i never expected new york to provide such a reflective journey. i guess being in a place where there are so many different types of people, it makes you reflect on who you are. i have been amazed with the collage of different people i have met here. the most impactful were my fathers old roommate and my high school crush. my fathers old roommate told me about my father in college. he described him as a dreamer and a romantic about life. i am exactly that same way. i have thought of it lately as a bad thing. i kept questioning what i was looking for. was it something i was missing that i was searching for?
then i saw my high school crush. memories of my heart flying into my throat and my voice cracking raced through my head but i was surprisingly cool. as we talked, i remembered again why i liked her so much... her calm, graceful, caring, intelligent, personality was so amazing and i felt my heart race. i couldn't help but feel like knowing her is the greatest gift. her smile, thoughts... it was like a curtain would open and something even more wonderful would be revealed. a brief vision of her naked flashed in my mind when i realized that is not what i wanted to see at all. thinking of her as an object disgusted me. what i guess it just reminded me what i really think love is about and how important chemistry and personality are. she will always be special in my eyes. the whole thing left me still hours later with a quickened pulse and feeling like i cool breeze washed over my entire body and invigorated me. in retrospect, maybe it was i that was naked with her... just completely open and being myself.
i am happy for my high school crush. she is a wonderful person and i hope i never forget the way i am feeling. i feel that i should just not worry so much about who i am or being alone. i feel like i should just be proud to be who i am and everything else will work out.
Public - 8:33 PM - add eprops - add comments - edit it - email it
Thursday, April 15, 2004
in reality, i keep surprising myself. my will power and focus at times is shocking me. this happens in the climbing gym, by not drinking, resolving conflict/expressing myself, in writing, and business. i feel more conscious than i ever have in my life. i have unlocked part of some untapped power in my brain. i guess i have been going through a lot of cognitive restructuring as to how i approach and deal with things. it has had some incredible effects.
Public - 2:44 AM - 2 eprops - add comments - edit it - email it
Saturday, March 20, 2004
movin' on
traveling is nice but there comes a time when you are ready to move on. i am feeling that right now. i am ready for some place new and some routine. austin has been wonderful but i am ready to move on.
Public - 3:28 PM - add eprops - add comments - edit it - email it
Friday, March 19, 2004
thoughts:
today is such a beautiful day. birds are chirping, the wind blows through my hair, the breeze is cool, and the sun is shining. i can't believe how nice it is here in austin. it really makes you feel alive. i feel a bit lost here because everything is so new it is overwhelming. it is amazing to look around and see so much youth and invigeration. i wonder if this place is real though. if it has a soul. if people here are not just into a look and scene. new orleans and seattle don't seem to be that way to me. i am wondering if i am becoming too attached to new orleans again. could i uproot again?
Private - 5:07 PM - add eprops - add comments - edit it - email it
Wednesday, March 17, 2004
as i look at my own life and reflect on where i am going, i am realizing more and more how important it is for me to live ethically. i never realized how important such a seemingly simple thing would become to me. to me, it has to do with treating all people with respect and doing what is in your heart. a lot of people are forgetting about this in everyday life. since i quit drinking 3 weeks ago, it has become a real point of reflection for me. not that i was not ethical before, but it really seems to point out what real maturity is all about. real maturity is always treating others the way that you would like to be treated.
Monday, February 23, 2004
most people think of god and the devil being two seperate people. what if they are one?
Public - 7:47 PM - add eprops - add comments - edit it - email it
Monday, February 09, 2004
watching silently-
everyone has bad thoughts but have you ever opened up you pandora's box of bad thoughts and confronted them or even acted on them? have you ever stood on the ledge and looked down to see what your darkest desires might be? some people never confront those thoughts. anything that looks gray is thrown in the box and it is locked and the key thrown away. is that really living though? there are those people that fall into the darkness and do anything that may feed their vanity, right or wrong. they don't see what they are doing wrong. is it wrong if they no longer know? finally, there are those that dabble in both. they wonder if having the thoughts really makes them evil. what is evil any way? who is to judge? they do have one thing that navigates them... that churning of the gut when they know something is questionable. the gut churns with all things exciting and new... and slightly bad. the quesiton is what you do with it.
Protected (details) - 6:14 PM - add eprops - add comments - edit it
posted by was at 4:33 PM
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