my sweet lady

immediately following the hurricane, i was a man on a mission. i wanted to get back in school, get to austin, move my friends there, and start my life. i distictly remember the long dark drives back to austin from new orleans after work trips there. i would call friends and tell them how awesome austin was and all the reason they should move. austin was new, thrilling, and completely unexplored. it seemed opportunity was waiting around every corner. i had to unleash this good energy on my friends so they too could see the light beyond the drab of new orleans. all of my friends that stayed, minus kristen and rimas, all felt it wasn't so bad. they seemed to be in such a strange fog which i could not understand. they would talk of new orleans like that ex-lover that they just couldn't get quite enough of. they loved things about her, they were aware of the bad but put on blinders to it, and just went on living.

all of this was very perplexing to me. i grew up there too and had lived away before as well. i was well aware of the charm of the city but absolutely sick of the crime, racial divides, the politicians, lack of education, and the fact that nothing seemed to be changing. before the storm i was ready to leave the city and katrina and made the decision easier. so i thought.

it is now almost two years since the storm. i have lived in texas for all but a few weeks of the time following the storm. i have moved 7 times to different places moving large amounts of stuff to 4 different homes. jobs, graduate school, death, and injury sent us repeatedly reeling. we realized as much as we tried, we didn't chose to leave new orleans. it would have been easier to go back home but we held strong because that would have been the simple way. the problem was we never got to say goodbye. a chapter of our life was shut without warning. since we were always trying to keep afloat, we never got to grieve.

i have come to realize that my grieving has taken the form of a rigorous obsession by constantly reading the news about new orleans. how could a place and people so special be forgotten so easily. i became a martyr in my suffering and i didn't understand it. i realized your home, like your parents, will always be a special place to you. it will always live on in your heart.

despite the problems new orleans has, it is an amazing place. the people, food, and architecture are absolutely amazing. i heard john goodman talking about loving "my mardi gras." it struck me as strange that he claimed mardi gras for himself initially. then i came to see a truth in his words that all new orleanians shared. they loved "their new orleans..." whatever and wherever that might have been in the city.

so, what was so special about "my new orleans?" i love my vespa dealership, my uptown, my loyola, my audubon park, my french quarter, my herb saint, my circle bar, my pot hole that got so big dogs would swim in it, my neighbors, my mo's pizza, my family, and my frenchman street, my architecture, my big oak trees, my cobblestone streets, my saints, my home. new orleans is the only city i have ever gone and checked into a hotel, even though i lived just a few miles away. the city allows you to take a vacation within the city and enjoy something completely different.

new orleans has given me a lot of inspiration for my life about how things can grow and change. the challenge has been to look within myself for the answers and to find my own happiness. i don't know what the future holds but i do know i will always consider new orleans home.

Bush is a terrorist

So, my mother sent me this article titled, "JAY LENO..." HITS THE NAIL ON THE HEAD." So I read on, thinking Jay Leno is funny and a moderate liberal and I generally like what he has to say. Well, the article was not his, and it tried to manipulate people from thinking about the bad to the good things about America... so what if Bush is against terrorism and yet he violates the Geneva Convention and tortures people... so what if they outed Valerie Plum intentionally... hey, we have running water 24/7... it was a ridiculous article. The whole thing really aggravated me because it clearly is a lie (not written by Leno but by a rogue Republican columnist) and it was done that way to try and swing people who might be on the fence about the Republican party. The article misdirects people to think about thinking "thank god for America because we have technology commercialism" and the Republicans like this stuff too!

Here is my response to my mother...

Jay Leno didn't write that article. It was written by a buddy Craig R. Smith, a Republican columnist and Bush administration fan. The article was changed to say it was written by Jay Leno so more people would read it and think about the good things the Republican party had done rather than the bad... Valerie Plum, Katrina, Iraq, FEMA, Gonzales' firing of the federal attorneys, violating the Geneva convention (torture), Michael Brown, 3,364 dead American troops, 25,090 injured American troops, over 655,000 Iraqies dead.

All of this is to avoid the inevitable... Bush beating Nixon as the least popular president ever. He's close, see for yourself.
http://www.tinyrevolution.com/mt/archives/000905.html

Perfect timing too... Bush just received his lowest approval in a generation... 28%
http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/18505030/site/newsweek/

Here is the article documenting the piece was a forgery.
http://www.snopes.com/politics/soapbox/hitnail.asp

I love you mom but don't send me that kind of stuff because I, like most of the country, think Bush is a terrorist.



Here is the article:

JAY LENO..."HITS THE NAIL ON THE HEAD"


The other day I was reading Newsweek magazine and came across some poll data I found rather hard to believe. It must be true given the source, right?

The Newsweek poll alleges that 67 percent of Americans are unhappy with the direction the country is headed and 69 percent of the country is unhappy with the performance of the president. In essence 2/3s of the citizenry just ain't happy and want a change.

So being the knuckle dragger I am, I started thinking, ''What we are so unhappy about?'' Is it that we have electricity and running water 24 hours a day, 7 days a week? Is our unhappiness the result of having air conditioning in the summer and heating in the winter? Could it be that 95.4 percent of these unhappy folks have a job? Maybe it is the ability to walk into a grocery store at any time and see more food in moments than Darfur has seen in the last year? Maybe it is the ability to drive from the Pacific Ocean to the Atlantic Ocean without having to present identification papers as we move through each state? Or possibly the hundreds of clean and safe motels we would find along the way that can provide temporary shelter? I guess having thousands of restaurants with varying cuisine from around the world is just not good enough. Or could it be that when we wreck our car, emergency workers show up and provide services to help all and even send a helicopter to take you to the hospital. Perhaps you are one of the 70 percent of Americans who own a home. You may be upset with knowing that in the unfortunate case of a fire, a group of trained firefighters will appear in moments and use top notch equipment to extinguish the flames thus saving you, your family and your belongings. Or if, while at home watching one of your many flat screen TVs, a burglar or prowler intrudes , an officer equipped with a gun and a bullet-proof vest will come to defend you and your family against attack or loss. This all in the backdrop of a neighborhood free of bombs or militias raping and pillaging the residents. Neighborhoods where 90 percent of teenagers own cell phones and computers. How about the complete religious, social and political freedoms we enjoy that are the envy of everyone in the world? Maybe that is what has 67 percent of you folks unhappy. Fact is, we are the largest group of ungrateful, spoiled brats the world has ever seen. No wonder the world loves the U.S. , yet has a great disdain for its citizens. They see us for what we are. The most blessed people in the world who do nothing but complain about what we don't have, and what we hate about the country instead of thanking the good Lord we live here.
I know, I know. What about the president who took us into war and has no plan to get us out? The president who has a measly 31 percent approval rating? Is this the same president who guided the nation in the dark days after
9/11? The president that cut taxes to bring an economy out of recession? Could this be the same guy who has been called every name in the book for succeeding in keeping all the spoiled ungrateful brats safe from terrorist attacks?
The commander in chief of an all-volunteer army that is out there defending you and me? Did you hear how bad the President is on the news or talk show? Did this news affect you so much, make you so unhappy you couldn't take a look around for yourself and see all the good things and be glad?

Think about it......are you upset at the President because he actually caused you personal pain OR is it because the "Media" told you he was failing to kiss your sorry ungrateful behind every day.

Make no mistake about it. The troops in Iraq and Afghanistan have volunteered to serve, and in many cases may have died for your freedom. There is currently no draft in this country. They didn't have to go. They are able to refuse to go and end up with either a ''general'' discharge, an ''other than honorable'' discharge or, worst case scenario, a ''dishonorable'' discharge after a few days in the brig. So why then the flat-out discontentment in the minds of 69 percent of Americans? Say what you want but I blame it on the media. If it bleeds it leads and they specialize in bad news. Everybody will watch a car crash with blood and guts. How many will watch kids selling lemonade at the corner? The media knows this and media outlets are for-profit corporations. They offer what sells , and when criticized, try to defend their actions by "justifying" them in one way or another. Just ask why they tried to allow a murderer like O.J. Simpson to write a book about how he didn't kill his wife, but if he did he would have done it this way......Insane!

Stop buying the negativism you are fed everyday by the media. Shut off the TV, burn Newsweek, and use the New York Times for the bottom of your bird cage. Then start being grateful for all we have as a country. There is exponentially more good than bad.

We are among the most blessed people on Earth and should thank God several times a day, or at least be thankful and appreciative.

Jay Leno

uncoding katrina

A thought came to me today that I really like... Only by admitting what we don't know do we begin to understand what we do know.

I have been thinking a lot lately about writing yalom again what to say. It came to me very clearly a few nights ago before i drifted to sleep. What have I learned from the whole Katrina experience?

1) Life is suffering but this helps you find meaning.
2) Things aren't important but friends, family, knowledge, and compassion are most important.
3) Understanding one's relationship with the world begins internally.
4) Coming to terms with decisions one does not make but life makes for them is extremely painful (death, natural disaster, loss, etc). It challenges ones relationship with the world since we believe we are in control of our destiny. This is true in that your perception of reality is your power.

more to come.