falling into the story

i am working with a client who is currently homeless and has had a substance abuse problem for a good many years. i hate to say that i came in with the notion that i would not enjoy this therapy but it was true. i had associated a negative thoughts with homelessness due to past experience. this is my first homeless client and i cannot begin to express how enthralled i am with them. the client is of similar age to myself but had a largely different life experience. as the client began to talk, i could feel myself falling into their story. i was amazed to hear of the clients development and found myself asking questions to fill some of the gaps. as the time passed, i realized i did not need a plan to help this person. the biggest step was them coming for help. the biggest asset to them was having someone listen.

i reflected on this again later as i went to a concert with my fiance. we passed the homeless shelter on our way back from eating and a homeless person started walking quickly next to us and engaged us in conversation. i felt a challenge to my safety and the urge to walk faster but i remembered my client. we talked with the person as we walked and i shook his hand as we went on. i genuinely felt for this person too and felt guilty for my worry. i also realized the value of the therapy room as a safe place.

recovery

a few weeks ago i started working with clients again and i knew it would be challenging. after everything being so chaotic in my own life and everyone's life lately, there is the tendency to want to structure chaos. in your own world this is fine but you can't do this with clients. the therapeutic analogy is that you can go in someone's house but ask why the couch is in front of the door, do not try to rearrange their house.

it has been a while since i worked with clients and when i started working with my first couple of clients, i was so eager to help i almost forgot that analogy. i have been working with this one client whose life is pretty chaotic right now. emotional, financial, and relationship stresses have been through the roof and wreaking havoc on their life. i felt the tendency to want to structure that chaos but held back. as they continued telling their story, they mentioned they would sometimes cry without reason. i went deeper asking them to tell me more about the last time it happened and the feelings associated with it. this opened an unexpected door. they began talking about a terrible loss in their life which had not been discussed before. it was a really beautiful moment and connection which helped build the therapeutic relationship.

i was talking with my fiance' the other day when i noticed she said something to me with a particular inflection in her voice which showed she was angered. i knew she was aggravated by the situation and not by me but i could feel myself being agitated by her tone and flip response. i reflected to her by saying, "i want to help you and i understand you are agitated but when you raise your voice at me, it hurts me." she apologized and we started working towards a solution. since then she has reminded me several times of that advice when i have become upset.

it is almost seems strange to pay attention to the tone and volume of your voice but it is a huge part of expression and will greatly effect your desired affect. i have tried to start lowering my voice when i am upset as opposed to raising it. this tends to cause people to listen more to what you are saying rather than the opposite.