Friday, March 11, 2005
conflicted relationships with parents is something that many young adults and teenagers encounter. the real challenge is correcting those relationships. it's very difficult to do but i was amazed to find i had actually done it in my relationship with my parents. i realized the other day that i finally was honest to god friends with my parents. it took me by surprise. we are on the same level and have healthy boundaries.
how did i do it? it took a lot of work. when my parents did things that bother me, i told them, "when you said... it really hurt me." being completely open with your feelings is the only way to cure the relationship. i was not afraid of the repercussions of sticking up for my boundaries. many problems in parent child relationships center around poor boundaries in the parent child relationship. both sides must be able to function independently and express themselves with respect for each others independence.
these conflicted relationships with parents often flow into similar conflicts in friendships. people are attracted to things that feel familiar and possibly like home. as a result, the same problems can take root.
Public
Conversation with Albert Ellis, PHD
What do you do with a person who can’t separate themselves from their behavior?
People can always separate themselves from their behaviors. Just because someone does something bad doesn’t mean they are always bad. Just because someone does something good doesn’t mean they are always good.
You are not your behaviors because if you did well, you would always do well, and when you do badly, you would always do badly. It’s impossible to be your behaviors. You can’t say you are a bad person, you will always only do bad things, the future is impossible to predict. It’s disturbed to think you are a good person when you do good things and you are a bad person when you do bad things. Go over it and over it to show it is impossible to do that.
Basket of fruit, different fruits in it, is it a good basket or a bad basket, you can’t do global ratings. Yet, all human’s are prone to overgeneralization. It’s errant horseshit. Go be sick, anxious, and depressed for the rest of your life if try and always do good things.
conflicted relationships with parents is something that many young adults and teenagers encounter. the real challenge is correcting those relationships. it's very difficult to do but i was amazed to find i had actually done it in my relationship with my parents. i realized the other day that i finally was honest to god friends with my parents. it took me by surprise. we are on the same level and have healthy boundaries.
how did i do it? it took a lot of work. when my parents did things that bother me, i told them, "when you said... it really hurt me." being completely open with your feelings is the only way to cure the relationship. i was not afraid of the repercussions of sticking up for my boundaries. many problems in parent child relationships center around poor boundaries in the parent child relationship. both sides must be able to function independently and express themselves with respect for each others independence.
these conflicted relationships with parents often flow into similar conflicts in friendships. people are attracted to things that feel familiar and possibly like home. as a result, the same problems can take root.
Public
Conversation with Albert Ellis, PHD
What do you do with a person who can’t separate themselves from their behavior?
People can always separate themselves from their behaviors. Just because someone does something bad doesn’t mean they are always bad. Just because someone does something good doesn’t mean they are always good.
You are not your behaviors because if you did well, you would always do well, and when you do badly, you would always do badly. It’s impossible to be your behaviors. You can’t say you are a bad person, you will always only do bad things, the future is impossible to predict. It’s disturbed to think you are a good person when you do good things and you are a bad person when you do bad things. Go over it and over it to show it is impossible to do that.
Basket of fruit, different fruits in it, is it a good basket or a bad basket, you can’t do global ratings. Yet, all human’s are prone to overgeneralization. It’s errant horseshit. Go be sick, anxious, and depressed for the rest of your life if try and always do good things.
posted by was at 4:30 PM
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